A ‘source’ slipped us a copy of this internal, super-secret memo…

Memorandum

Date: 6/10/10
To: Asm. Mike Gatto
From: Spkr. John Perez
RE: Welcome To The Capitol

Dear Mike,

First and foremost, let me congratulate you on your election to the State Assembly.

On the occasion of your arrival, I thought I would give you a few tips to help make sure you “fit in” with our caucus.

First and foremost, while we “all know” that the major decisions that we make up here come straight from the SCUP* — feel comfortable knowing that there are a great many issues in which the “home office” have no interest, which means you can actually do some fun legislating.  The key is to just not get emotionally connected to those “big” issues.  Understand that as your Speaker, I interact with SCUP on all of that stuff, and while they ultimately make the decisions, I think that because I used to work directly for them (which is kind of what we do now anyway), they really let me have a lot of input in their process.

As a general course, I recommend not engaging in dynamic discussion about legislation with Republican legislators or the Governor’s office.  Because Democrats know about SCUP, they understand if you simply have no latitude to compromise or find bipartisan solutions to problems.  But you can’t exactly tell Republicans you like their ideas, then shut them out, and not risk exposing the existence of SCUP.

It probably goes without saying, but we never talk about SCUP publicly, or exactly how much they directly intervene with us – it’s a bit of a public relations issue.  It’s especially important that we don’t “burn them” as we are now entering a Prop. 14 era, which means their millions of dollars will go a lot further.  I tried to get SCUP to oppose 14 – they just laughed at me – saying that the Governor was playing right into their hands.

The good news is this – as long as you and I and our Democrat colleagues work well in this “benevolent dictatorship” – being a state legislator is very cool.  We get a lot of attention and schmoozing.  We get wined and dined, and SCUP makes sure there is plenty of cash in the coffers to augment the shrinking size of our paychecks (G*d damned Schwarzenegger). 

Let me conclude with a little “Top Ten” list of words of wisdom…

• All unions are not created equal.  We prioritize the public employee unions here – that’s just how we roll.
• It’s true that you can meet the Governor like ten times and he still won’t remember you.  It’s annoying but he’s gone soon.
• Brian Nestande is a dangerous Republican, he’s got great ideas, all of which are on the “banned” (SCUP) list.  It’s easiest to just avoid him.
• Don’t to understand the business community.  Just keep taking their money and voting against their interests.
• Tom Ammiano is obsessive about sexual orientation stuff.  I’m gay, and he still tires me out.
• Jerry Hill is obsessive about banning Styrofoam.  Seriously.
• You can talk to union leaders directly, but “official orders” from them will come through me – comprende?

And most important:

• Never, never, ever acknowledge publicly the presence of a public employee pension problem.  NEVER.

Anyways, enjoy life in the legislature.  It doesn’t get any better than this.  Really!

* – Secret Council of Union Presidents

This entry was posted on Thursday, June 10th, 2010 at 12:00 am and is filed under Blog Posts.