Tomorrow I fly from Los Angeles to San Francisco and a few days later get to do the return flight. Those two airports have body scanners. Usually, I fly from Ontario and Sacramento, which must be the choice of terrorists due to the lack of body scanners.
To be honest, I don’t like a lot of the screenings. I view a lot of the security as show and would prefer that the resources are put into tracking down terrorists rather than individually searching little kids, grandma’s and National Guardsmen. I have seen all three.
I have been inspired by Steven Greenhut’s article to show my official California State Assembly ID card. This card deems me as someone that can enter the State Capitol at 3 a.m. with as many boxes of stuff without anyone saying a thing. I must be very trustworthy, like everyone else in the Capitol.
I will see if it will let me sit between two poor passengers on my flight because I didn’t allow enough time for screening.
But for the next part I need your help. Some guy took the idea of wearing a speedo. That was my plan, but it’s been done.
So here are my three options. I am open to others.
Idea #1: Go through the body scan. That should teach them. I am a little worried my image may end up on the internet. I understand there is highly developed niche market in body scans of middle aged overweight guys and would at least want a royalty.
Idea #2: Go through the scan with a sock in my pants or opt out entirely and force some poor TSA employee who thought he was protecting Americans to feel me up. Of course I would cough at the appropriate time.
Idea #3: This is really an addition to Idea #2. It has some risks. I am going to San Francisco and upon wanting to search me declare I am transgendered and demand a search from a transgendered TSA employee. If they don’t have one, compromise by allowing a man AND a woman TSA employee to conduct the SNL pat down. That might get on YouTube.
My wife wants me to do the scan because she hopes to find out if my arteries are calcified. I told her it wasn’t that kind of scan, at least not yet and besides like I ‘m a candidate for that kind of problem. Please.
Let me know what I should do.
November 30th, 2010 at 12:00 am
I hope that Congressman Peter King, the new incoming oversight chairman of TSA, requires TSA officials and Homeland Securityless Secretary Janet Napolitano, to undergo a public patdown prior to their testimony before Congress. Let’s see how they like it!
November 30th, 2010 at 12:00 am
Whatever you do Mike, Please, Please do not show up wearing a speedo.