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Richard Rider

Imaginary Amazon memo reveals company is in cahoots with CA state legislators

FLASH!!  Here’s a super-secret memo (admittedly it’s so secret that I made it up) I imagine I just received from a whistleblower — an internal communique circulating at Amazon:

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!  We at Amazon have much to be thankful for this Turkey Day.

Speaking of blessings (and turkeys), with the latest California bill proposing to mandate double time wages for anyone “forced” to work on Thanksgiving Day, our useful idiots in the California legislature are laboring hard to further hobble our “brick and mortar” competitors in the Golden State. Driving up their labor costs will result in fewer retail stores open on Thanksgiving and/or higher prices — causing more folks to stay home and turn to the Internet to make purchases for the Holiday Season (don’t say “Christmas”!).  

Even better, we don’t have to pay our legislator allies a dime in political contributions to get them to stifle our competitors — they are just doing what comes naturally.  

Yeah, we’ll close down most of our distribution system in CA on Turkey Day, but our SALES are 100% automated, and so far, we don’t have to pay “Hal” a wage — let alone overtime!

NOTE TO STAFF:  Remember to vote Democrat — those darn Republicans aren’t as reliable when it comes to crushing our competition.

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