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Bruce Bialosky

The Joys of Being a Californian

Our California governor Gallivanting Gavin has his eyes on running for President, assuming the octogenarian in the White House bows out. Gavin will be telling America what a wonderful job he has done here in California to deserve being promoted to ruling over all fifty states. We should review the sparkling aspects these days of being a Californian.

California ranks first in many ways. For example, we have the highest gas prices in the country. We unfortunately have fallen behind Hawaii and come in at number two at having the highest energy prices in the country. Again, we are falling behind in another key area. We come in at #3 for the highest cost of living, falling behind Hawaii and New York. We are really slumping when it comes to overall tax rates ranking just #3. That is despite ranking first for individual tax rates. We are all confident that in his second term as governor, Gallivanting Gavin will strive to get us back to being number one in all these categories.

And then there is our poverty rate. Mississippi comes in at the top with highest. That is before you adjust for cost of living. California ranks 26th when you just look at the poverty figures. When adjusted for cost of living, we then climb back to first place. Paying for all that expensive stuff really hurts the people at the lower end of the economic ladder.

These are all things we can be proud of as Californians. That is why our elected officials are so willing to pay for others with our tax dollars. Here Gallivanting Gavin is leading the way.

You never hear about California shipping illegal aliens to other states. We welcome all of them. We provide them with every benefit as if they were here legally and paying taxes. We give them driver’s licenses to keep us safe on the roads. But we are thoughtful by not requiring them to have insurance if they are driving like other Californians because that would be too much to ask of these people who are facing inordinate challenges.


But we are not without our challenges. They are kind of minor: water and power. We are tough Californians, and we are willing to sacrifice for the environment. And for others.

As you may know, we just asked residents to significantly cut back their personal water usage. After all, the residents use 10% of all the water in California – that is 38.5 million of us. 40% of the water is used for commercial and farming purposes. We would not want to cut back on that. That is what pays for all of what our government provides. The remaining 50% goes out to sea but protects the fish. It would be totally unreasonable to have a cut there because you know the snail darters need their water.

Gallivanting Gavin promised that he would build more reservoirs, but for the past forty years we have done nothing while our population soared by 14 million (not counting all the illegals). Gavin even endorsed the building of desalination plants. Forget the fact that the California Coastal Commission voted 7-0 to kill one days later; Gavin is on the job.

How about that power stuff? Gavin is leading us. He is leading us by eliminating any devices that use that nasty natural gas. We are properly ignoring that natural gas replacing coal has cut our national output of CO2 by 30% even while the economy grew 28%. We in California only need windmills and solar power. And thankfully we have a deal with our neighboring states to buy power from them — if they do not need it themselves. He did have us avoid a blackout during a recent heatwave except for limited areas. That is because we all raised our thermostats to 78 degrees. Someone did ask why Arizona and Texas had similar heatwaves and were fine. Gavin answered them with billboards about abortion.


Our glorious Governor Gavin vetoed 169 bills sent to him by the California Legislature. What a brave leader he is. We are just left to figure out what laws we are breaking with the 997 bills he signed. What is a Californian to do.

Considering all this, we Californians are generous people. We welcome all illegal aliens. We also welcome all homeless people; or, as Gavin calls them – “unhoused.” We properly disregard that roughly 50% of them come to California from elsewhere not because of “the weather,” but because of the benefits we provide them. Who else would build them living units costing $500,000 each to help them make their transition back to a normal life? We do not care if they came here from Nebraska; they are all Californians now.

Because of our generosity, our Governor has instituted two new things we will pay for to help people from other states or nations. Women (yes, women) who want to get an abortion will be paid to come to California and have the service provided by the residents of Californian. We approved unfettered abortion up to the day of birth for any woman wanting an abortion for any reason. Fifteen weeks is not good enough and forget those nasty pictures of those things in the womb. We have broad shoulders and can carry the load.

Gallivanting Gavin wants to add even more new humane services. That is the right for anyone of any age to receive transgender medical services. Ten-year-old’s need to be protected from parents who have no clue what their child is going through with their sexual identity. When our doctors are not busy doing triage for gunshot wounds in emergency rooms, they can work on gender transformation surgery.

A recent report from the Hoover Institute cited that 352 companies moved their headquarters from California between 2018 and 2021. They cited the following challenges: burdensome overtime work rules, litigation risk, high costs for labor and worker’s compensation insurance, oppressive taxes, surging electricity rates, a permitting morass, diminishing quality of life, lousy public schools, and exorbitant housing costs.

And there are our elections. You get to vote for a month and find out a month later who won. Someone who relocated to another state was asked a real question – “Since you were paying premium prices for government in California did you get premium services.” I am not sure whether he answered with an emphatic no or just a belly laugh. Try calling a tax agency in another state and you will hear a friendly voice. In California, after waiting for hours after calling multiple times, you will get someone who speaks broken English.

Who would question Gallivanting Gavin telling Governors of other states how to do things? Of course, he should run for president if Biden does not. Why would he not when he can bring California values and policies to everyone? And remember we have really, nice weather.